October 30, 2015
A spider, a brain, and a ghost walk into a search engine bar. Wait, scratch that. Not yet. A spider, a brain, and a ghost are late to a Halloween party at the Search Engine Bar.
“Are you sure Google Maps sent us to the right place?” asks the brain. They’re standing on the front steps of a spooky, dilapidated Victorian house. It’s a chilly Halloween evening and the moon is eerily bright.
“I’m pretty sure Yelp didn’t say that the Search Engine Bar was in a haunted house…I don’t think we’re in the right place,” the spider says.
“Maybe you should’ve used Boo-gle Maps. Ha!” joked the ghost. The spider and the brain sigh in exasperation.
“Let’s just go inside. I bet it’s just one of those hip bars with unassuming entrances,” says the brain.
They take one step forward—but suddenly the front door swings open by itself. Search engine spiders scuttle out of the entryway and the knotty wood floors squeak as they step inside. It’s dark; only the moonlight that peeks through the windows illuminates the cobwebby hallway.
“This doesn’t seem right. I’m going to check my iPhone,” the spider says. He pulls out his phone and his legs quickly tap to open Siri. “Siri, where is the Halloween Search Engine Bar party?”
“Down the hall, to your right,” Siri responds calmly.
The spider, the brain, and the ghost follow Siri’s instructions and make their way down the dim hallway. Just as Siri said, there’s a door on the right side.
“See? You can always trust Siri!” says the brain.
But when they open the door, they only see a dark, empty room.
“Where’s the disco ball? No streamers? This isn’t right,” the ghost says. “It looks like a 404 error—party not found.”
Frustrated, the spider asks Siri for help again. “Siri, we’re lost. How do we get to the Search Engine Bar?”
“My apologies. Go up the staircase and the party will be down the hall and to your right,” Siri answers.
As they head up the creaky staircase, they begin to hear faint sounds of a tinkling piano and laughter.
“Sounds like we’re getting closer! We’ll get to the Halloween party just in time,” the brain says.
However, the party sounds become harder and harder to hear as they walk further down the dusty hallway.
“It feels like we’re going the wrong way. I think Siri might’ve made a mistake,” mumbles the spider.
“I never make mistakes,” Siri says sinisterly. The spider, the brain, and the ghost gasp in unison. At that very moment, the rasping floorboards give way. They tumble down a chute that leaves them back out on the house’s front porch.
“Well. That’s a 301 redirect if I’ve ever seen one,” says the ghost. “But the Search Engine Bar is famous for its Halloween party. I think we were close when we first heard the music. Let’s retrace our steps—but we’re not asking Siri for help anymore.”
They return to the top of the staircase and, again, they hear “The Monster Mash” quietly playing somewhere in the house. This time, they go in the opposite direction, away from the trapdoor. A door emanating shadowy green light catches their attention.
“Let’s go in,” says the spider. He pushes the door open. The room is filled with shelves; each shelf holds rows and rows of glass beakers filled with unlabeled potions. In the center of the room lies a large glass container filled with green, glowing liquid. A pulsing brain floats inside.
“Have you guys ever heard of the mysterious RankBrain? I think we’re looking at it,” whispers the brain.
As if responding to its name, the liquid surrounding the brain glows brighter.
“Let’s ask for help. RankBrain, are we close to the Halloween party?” asks the ghost.
RankBrain nods. One of the shelves along the back wall begins to vibrate and the liquids in the beakers turn bright orange. Slowly, the shelf turns and reveals a secret passageway. The sound of laughter is barely muffled.
“We just have to go through the passageway! Thanks, RankBrain,” says the spider. They shuffle through the narrow corridor.
Finally, a spider, a brain, and a ghost walk into the Search Engine Bar. They’re greeted with loud cheers from their friends.
“I didn’t realize how hard it would be to find the search bar. The party is just getting started,” says the brain. “Happy Halloween, everyone!”
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Do you have a good ending to “a spider, a brain, and a ghost walk into a search engine bar…”? We want to hear it. Tweet us @Perfect_Search or email us at [email protected]. Happy Halloween!
Senior Manager, Copywriting & Content Strategy
Kayla Hammersmith is a huge fan of Nancy Drew computer games and swears that she can do a very specific impression of Pal, the dog from Arthur. You might often find her snacking on goat cheese as she dreams of one day becoming a cellist savant.